those you've known and lost (they linger til they find you)
by bihenry
Summary: you've left them far behind; you walk on by yourself, and not with them (or, people ray has lost).


who doesn't love sad angsty fics? y'all..i got the most random urge to write this (thanks spring awakening!) and has no real significance so here it is. my writing is currently college essays so my fanfic is..trash lmao the ending is very...odd because i wasn't sure where to end it

title & lyrics are from _'those you've known'_ from the **original broadway spring awakening soundtrack.** have really nothing to do with the plot, but alas. it's pretty.

enjoy !

* * *

 _all alone but still i hear their yearning_  
 _through the dark, the moon alone there, burning_

 _the stars too; they tell of spring returning_  
 _and summer with another wind that no one yet has known._

 **or, people ray has lost.**

* * *

 **i.**

the first is his father.

it didn't matter, not for a while anyways, that his mother was never really around.

he had his father and his fathers crazy inventions and his fathers coworkers and that's all that mattered to him. carl manchester was a man of his work and it showed. any at glass tech knew it. and outsiders could probably tell, too, just by looking at him or speaking to him for a minute.

his childhood years weren't that great (especially after the whole being indestructible incident). the days following the incident were very much predictable.

 _wake up. eat. go with his father to test some of his new-found abilities (or, just the one). be there for however long it was until they were done. return home._

it was lonely. lonelier than ray could've imagined, and yet, he was living it.

his father started to slip away once he'd found independence with junk'n stuff. it was finally something that was his and his alone. was it much? no, but he also did have to be captain man at any beck and call.

carl began to slowly drift away when he grew old. his father, the brilliant scientist. the one he spent nearly every day with. the one who gave him the ability to help people.

his father is a sore topic for him.

it was the first time he'd ever experienced a loss.

he wasn't ready to deal with that. not yet.

* * *

 **ii.**

they say that the first cuts are the deepest and it's more than real for ray.

drex.

his sidekick, the one he had trusted most for years, betrays him.

it's the first time he'd been hurt this bad; no breakup or end of a romance had ever done that to him.

it was an odd feeling.

they weren't coworkers and crime fighting buddies for long; just a few months, and yet, it still hurt like being hit by a train. the pain lessens over time, but every mention of the name causes his heart rate to go up and his mood to sour. just for a little.

it causes him to be sidekick-less for nearly a decade. that is, until another blonde comes into his life.

* * *

 **iii.**

he knew henry was going to leave, eventually.

the kid was just that: a kid. he had to grow up, right? college. a job. a real job, not being some side kick.

the side kick gig wasn't going to last and they both knew it.

he saw a lot of himself in henry. the kid was a like _brother, a student, like **family.**_ something he'd been lacking for several years before the little blonde kid with the overactive imagination came around.

sharing the man cave with someone other than schowz was nice (even if, eventually, his snarky and curly friend came along too).

it was like he blinked once, twice, three times and the once thirteen year old was almost his height and had more sass than what was necessary.

if ray cried at his graduation (in the safety of the school bathroom of course) then it was because he had something in his eye. not because he was emotional or jealous (mostly emotional. jealousy only came after the fact, realizing he'd never had a graduation of his own). and did they all believe that? probably not, but it's not like he had to _answer_ to them.

henry tried to stay close enough to keep his kid danger gig (kid barely covered it anymore, anyone with eyes could see past the mask and realize kid danger was no longer a kid) but they both realized it wasn't working. it wouldn't work, between classes and parties and the commute and homework. it became too much no matter how much they wanted it to work.

he comes around every time he comes to swellview. the college isn't that far; a short drive, enough for his parents not to worry and for him to see piper whenever she was having one of her crises.

it was just captain man again, no sidekick.

and ray was on his own again.

* * *

 **iv.**

god, he doesn't even think he'll miss the sassy kid until she's gone.

charlotte is smart. smarter than anyone he'd ever admit, yet his ego won't allow him to say that. not to her face at least. the smug expression she'd wear afterwards is really the killer for him.

like henry, she became like family.

besides the fact that she intimidated him the tiniest bit (more like a lot. she's smart as hell and has an answer to everything, okay?)

she gets into some prestigious school like they all knew she would.

it doesn't sting when they all wave her goodbye and she rides off until they can't see her anymore just like in the movies, he's proud of her in some sort of uncle-mentor figure sort of way.

* * *

 **v.**

the curly one gets on his nerves.

a lot.

ray knows jasper doesn't mean to (he had even before he stepped into the man cave with his...merchandise), but overtime the older has become more accustom to how the blonde acts.

it doesn't mean he likes it.

even jasper has to leave, too.

the kid has a surprising job offer in some big city states away. something with buckets. everything he says goes in one of ray's ears and out the other once the word 'leaving' gets out of his mouth.

this one doesn't hurt. not until he realizes after the goodbye party is over and he's back in the junk n' stuff lobby and it's dark and _alone._

* * *

 **vi.**

the one that is the most important, maybe, is the city he's sworn to protect.

it's taken a long time to come to terms with this.

he's older now, indestructible still, but it's not like the city needs him.

new heroes have been showing up all over the city.

he's old and tired, worn and bruised (metaphorically, obviously) and the city just doesn't need bold and brash captain man anymore.

it's been his entire life for years, with sidekicks and wacky adventures, good and bad and ups and downs.

it's not like he can save the city forever.

maybe it's the fact that it's the only thing he has left that's normal, that's been his routine for the past few decades.

maybe it's the fact that he's loosing everything he's ever known.

ray doesn't know how to handle it.

after he's blown up the last bubble, went up the tub in his suit, saved the last citizen, it's still not fully hit him that this was the last.

it still isn't real after he's changed back into civilian clothes.

that was the last time he'd ever save someone in swellview.

he isn't ready to deal with it.

not yet.


End file.
